The Cure

To all the perfectionists out there…

If you are looking for a cure (not saying you should…), have I got the answer for you.

Gummi crib rails.

You thought I was going to say, “have three children”, didn’t you?

That is also a possible cure for perfectionism (or will at least make you change your definition of perfect), and you are welcome to borrow my kids for a weekend to see how it works.

But the gummi crib rail is a far less pricey option.

The gummi crib rail is the device you must purchase when your infant enters what I like to call the “temporary termite phase”.  During this phase, seemingly normal children begin chewing on top rail of their wooden cribs, convinced that it is only that one piece of lumber that stands between them and the ultimate freedom.  The purpose of the gummy covering is to allow children to gnaw on a soft object to their heart’s content with no damage to the crib – or to tiny teeth.

The rail uses adhesive to attach to the top of the crib, and there is some skill required to place it correctly.  First, you are supposed to sand down any areas with severe “termite” damage.  (If anyone is actually doing this step, I would like to know about it.)  Then you have to bathe the crib rail in rubbing alcohol and let it dry.  (I did this step, but only because “DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP” was written in all capital letters on the instructions.) After that, you have one shot to put the sticky parts of the gummi crib rail in place – because it is going to stick exactly where you put it.

Knowing all of this, I decided to apply the gummi crib rail to T’s crib one day while my husband was at work.  This was not the best decision, as I had three assistants at the time (because, of course, you can’t work on the baby’s crib during naptime…)

Here’s where the perfectionist therapy comes in.

I applied the first foot of the four foot long sticky rail, decided it was slightly askew, and removed it.

Attempt two…more rail down this time, but now I am convinced that it is too low on one side, which means it won’t cover the whole width of the railing.  Remove it.

Attempt three…perfection…in exactly the right spot on the crib…Oh, wait!  The adhesive is no longer sticking.  Well, it’s in the perfect position.  I can make it stick!  I’ll just hold it for a while.  I’ll make the husband hold it for a while.  We’ll all do shifts holding the rail down and willing it to stay in place.

Here is the result:

The "Gummy Crib Wave" (DSC_0553)

The "Gummy Crib Wave"

Termite Damage (DSC_0555)

Termite Damage

Can you see it?  It is more like the “gummi crib wave” at this point.  T likes to play with it when he’s taking a break from chewing on the exposed wood that would have been covered if I had decided attempt one was quite satisfactory.

My punishment for my perfectionism is that I have to take all three kids to the store this morning to get another gummi crib rail.  To make sure this is not a punishment for the kids, I am going to allow them to play with all the toys on aisle seven for an hour.  So sorry, Babies R Us.

My husband’s punishment for marrying a perfectionist (and parenting a termite) is that he has to install a gummy crib rail this evening.  I’m not even going to look when he asks me if it’s in the right position.  I am cured.  Wherever it lands, I think it looks good.

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