This is the picture E drew at school last week.
It came home in her backpack, mingled in with lots of other papers.
On the surface, it appears to be a nice family portrait. From left to right you can see dad, mom, E, S and T.
However, if you look closely there are small brown ovals on the far right of the picture. When I asked E what those were, she told me, “That’s poop on our floor! It makes my picture so funny!”
Fortunately, I believe anyone who knows me will dismiss the picture as a fictional representation: not because of the condition of the house (though it is never that bad, I promise!), but because in this image I am wearing heels (which any of my friends can tell you just never happens. I am a tennis shoe person, and in my world, “formal” simply means matching socks.)
Unfortunately, no one at E’s school really knows me yet. So when I exclaim, “Ha! This cannot be our family! The mom is wearing red stilettos!” it is going to seem like a pretty weak defense.
When E showed me the picture, we had a fantastic laugh. (I couldn’t help it. And E’s giggles, in combination with a shocked expression I overanimated for her benefit, got S in stitches too…) But when we all calmed down and I asked E what her teachers thought of the picture, she said she didn’t think anyone had actually seen it. In her still giggly, but very nonchalant tone, she said, “This might have been a drawing I just put right into my backpack; I can’t really remember…”
Maybe she’s right, since I have not yet received a phone call from the school.
Of course, they could have decided not to call me, and instead alert social services who could surprise us with some sort of unannounced, on-the-spot inspection.
And we will welcome them! They will find breakfast dishes still piled in the sink, laundry in desperate need of washing, and toys scattered everywhere. If they timed it perfectly, they might even witness a diaper changing disaster.
But, I promise you (!) they won’t find a single pair of red stilettos . . .
. . . or a pile of poop left to fester on our living room floor!