Since I have already disgusted you with the photo of the stoolagmite on our oven drawer (see previous post), I have decided to go all in and tell you that today, we spent the better part of an hour looking in the dusty hiding places of our house for two lost library books: Nate the Great and the Missing Key and Georgia the Guinea Pig Fairy.
(1) still missing one library book (where are you Georgia?!)
(2) wholly regretting the search
It is not a search you would have enjoyed either because it required us to look under every couch, between every couch cushion, under all the beds, and in all the nooks and crannies of the car (even under the floor mats).
To quote Conrad, “The Horror! The Horror!”
Of course, some people might have viewed this as a wonderful opportunity to clean all those rarely accessed places, rendering the house and car pristine.
I am not one of those people, and if you are – don’t tell me – because I’m not sure we can be friends anymore.
(Unless you are one of those extreme cleaners who feels compelled to clean under the couches in other people’s homes too, in which case, It’s been too long! Why don’t you come over?!)
But I’ve gotten off track. My point is that while we did not find the books in any of those places, we did find lots of other things including 2 checkers, 5 markers, 10 hairbows, 50 crayons, a naked Ken doll, prince charming’s cape, a pretend brownie, a very large pretend ant (seriously…the pretend food we leave out is attracting pretend vermin), a sippy cup (don’t ask) and hairballs that we could sell as toupees.
(And, if you can believe this, not one penny of spare change. I thought we would at least find enough of that to cover the late fee…oh well.)
Anyway, after all that, do you want to know where we found the one book we were able to locate?
That’s right. On the bookshelf. (I swear, it was the first place we looked.)
And the other book?
Well, I think the library is trying to scam us with that “your book is overdue” e-mail. I don’t remember checking out “Georgia the Guinea Pig Fairy”.
We are all about fairies, but a guinea pig fairy?
Can a book with that title seriously exist?
Criminy. I just googled it. It does exist, and the cover does look familiar.
The fairy appears to be surrounded by guinea pig pellets.
Well, maybe Nate the Great (the detective whose story we just found on our bookshelf) can find it.
He’s going to have to, because after what I saw today (“The Horror!” I mean, you should have smelled the inside of that sippy cup…)
Where was I?
Nate the Great, boy detective, is going to have to take over the hunt for this lost fairy, because after the dusty, disgusting search I’ve been through today…
I think I’m out.